I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
