i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
