tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
