I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
