Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
