my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He passed out mid-signature
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
