: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
