We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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