After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
