i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
