what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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