maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
