We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
