Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just blew my weed a kiss
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
