Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
