u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize