Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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