Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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