please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
