Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
