dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize