just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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