oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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