So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
