Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
