Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
