I am in a vortex of obligation.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
