Don't make out with my wife yet
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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