My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
