Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
