ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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