so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
