I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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