You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
