I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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