haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Randomize
