I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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