the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
