Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize