My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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