Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
