Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
