I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
she smelled like a LAN party
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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