Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
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