No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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