I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
