The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize