How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
