Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I would ride that face into the sunset
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
