YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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