Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm like, not good at living.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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