ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize