Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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