His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
