Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
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