just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
