Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
