these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
