what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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