i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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