so that wasnt chicken after all
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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