I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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