had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize