Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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