Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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