Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You did what with his pubic hair?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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